


traveling on

by Leocht (mayibetriumphant)



Series: A little lie and a bigger hurt [4]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) - All Media Types
Genre: F/M, Gen, Jabiim Arc, title comes from the KONGOS song
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-27
Updated: 2020-09-26
Packaged: 2021-03-05 21:02:05
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 928
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25541779
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mayibetriumphant/pseuds/Leocht
Summary: Anakin returns to Coruscant alone.
Relationships: Depa Billaba & Anakin Skywalker, Depa Billaba & Obi-Wan Kenobi, Depa Billaba/Obi-Wan Kenobi, Obi-Wan Kenobi & Anakin Skywalker
Series: A little lie and a bigger hurt [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1490477
Kudos: 28





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> There’s gonna be more of this later from Depa’s POV. I just thought I should post SOME writing after months of radio silence lol

Anakin mumbles in forced embarrassment as his master presses his face into her shoulder. “My little Niko, I thought for sure you were lost.”

“Master, I was  _ fine!  _ I think we did alright, all things considered…”

“No word for over a standard month is fine, Anakin?” Depa scolds.

She smells familiar and comforting. Jedi issue laundry soap, and something vaguely floral. But he’s far too old to be  _ cuddled.  _

“I came back! And I gave the Council a briefing. You don’t have to fawn over me, I’m fine.”  _ He’s  _ fine. But the other Jedi…”Didi, Obi-Wan, he—“ All his false bravado slips out of him like oxygen from a burst airlock.

“I know.”

Anakin feels her shakily exhale into his hair. Her grief is almost tangible in the Force. “I’m sorry. I should’ve been there.”

“I couldn’t bear it if I lost you both, you know that.” Depa says softly.

He knows. He knows that if he’d been by that walker when it blew, that he would be dead too. There was no right decision. Nothing that would keep them both alive.

“I’m sorry, Didi. I was weak.” The boy wants to reject the promise of safety and warmth that she’s always offered to him. He’s not deserving.

“Come. You need a shower and a good rest, Niko.”

It distantly occurs to him that she didn’t confirm or deny what he said. Of course not. Even  _ she  _ thinks he failed. It wasn’t his “duty” to protect Obi-Wan, but he was the closest thing he ever had to a father—his best friend. And he failed him.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Anakin still doesn't like.....get that Jedi can care for each other, but not to the exclusion of their duties/doing the right thing, etc

Anakin sits on the floor at Depa’s feet as she carefully weaves his achievement beads back into his Padawan braid.

“I don’t think it’ll be very long now before you get Knighted.”

“Because of the war, or because you actually think I should be promoted?”

“Obi-Wan was only a Padawan so long because his master—well, _why_ exactly doesn’t matter, but it was foolish. I was Knighted long before him, and so was Quinlan, if you can believe it.”

“Qui-Gon said he was ready.”

“You of all people must know that sometimes people in authority can be...well, wrong isn't the right word...,” she pauses in her work, lost in memory, or quick to change the subject. “You know, Obi-Wan was an older Initiate too.”

The boy nods. He won't pretend like he understood any of that adult stuff back then. “I guess, yeah.”

Depa ties his braid off with a small rubber band. “There. What do you say we order in? Just this once.”

Anakin can feel the nervous energy rolling off her in waves. She’s only trying to busy her hands. He’s rarely _felt_ Depa’s uncertainty, even though he’s sure she doesn’t always know what to do. He was never meant to return alone. Even if everyone else died, Obi-Wan was supposed to come back with him. 

“I’m not hungry. Are you...alright, master?”

She pauses in her mindless activity in the kitchenette. “We should get some rest, Niko. You can drag your mat into my room if you want to. Just like old times.”

The idea is incredibly tempting. When he was a child, and prone to nightmares he would pull his futon into her or...or Obi-Wan’s room. Once she stepped on him getting up in the morning. He milked that particular incident for all it was worth, even though he was barely bruised.

Anakin smiles indulgently. “Only if you sleep on the floor too. I’m already busted up enough without you stepping all over me.”

In truth, there were a couple of times when he just needed a hug. Not that he'll ever admit it, though. The only person he's ever told is the Chancellor. People in the Temple would make fun of him or maybe even censure his teachers if he got caught asking for affection like that.

“It was _one_ time.” Depa seems relieved by his attempt at humor. “At least I won’t roll on you like—“

Anakin jumps up. “Master—“

Her shoulders shake, and her knuckles turn white from the force of her grip on the side of the sink.

Anakin jumps up. “Master—“

She turns her face away from him.

“Didi—“

“...I’ll get my futon and bring it back here.” Except it’s in his and Obi-Wan’s quarters. His heart sinks. He hasn’t lived with Depa since he became his Padawan, and he took all his stuff with him. Anakin freezes in the door as a small sob escapes his mentor. “I’ll go meet the delivery man at the door too?”

He doesn’t wait for an answer before scurrying out. 

\----

Dex's isn't far, but it feels like he just teleported there. Obi-Wan took him often enough that he knows the way by heart.

Somehow, Dex already knows what happened on Jabiim. At least, Anakin supposes, it's good that that didn't fall to him to explain.

"How are things with you and Billaba?"  
"...fine. I just offered to come get food, so..."

The scuffs on the toe of his boot are incredibly interesting all of a sudden.

A large hand presses on his head in what's probably supposed to be a comforting gesture, but just hurts a bit. "It's on the house tonight."  
"Thanks."

Anakin waits at the bar, ignoring the other late-night customers' whispers. Seeing a Jedi out and about in the lower levels has become a rarity again since the war began. Once he liked the attention his robes and saber got him in public, but now all he wants is to disappear.


End file.
